"It can turn up in feelings of inferiority or self-hatred because ego is any image
you have of yourself that gives you a sense of identity—and that identity derives
from the things you tell yourself and the things other people have been saying
about you that you've decided to accept as truth."
Well, that helps make sense of the internal dialog I was having last night - "I don't finish last! This is crazy! I'm a hard working,competitive, fast, mamma athlete warrior."
Last night was the "Smack Down" at GAAC Masters swim practice and in addition to putting my legs, arms and lungs to the test, it also put my ego to the test. It was a race of 2 loops of a 1.5 mile trail run followed by 750 yards swimming (total = ~3.85 miles). There were about 10 of us competing - 3 of which were women so I still podium-ed (ha).
|Relief and smiles at the finish|
|Running data from Smack down - gap is when I'm swimming|
Lessons Learned after reflecting and thinking about teachings from yoga and mindfulness:
1. Make a choice to let go of the crap. When I feel afraid I turn my back on confidence and the ego takes over. The first part is noticing that and bringing my mind back to the task at hand vs the fear/anxiety that's fueling my thoughts. The mind is like a puppy on a leash. It walks along, gets distracted, starts sniffing around wandering in another direction. You have to gently nudge it back to the path ahead - over and over and over.
2. Stop 'Telling Stories'. When I complain and focus on the negative and say it out loud I bring legitimacy to a story, not the reality.
3. Be grateful. Find gratitude in the process - that I'm out there running and swimming, that I have health, that I'm strong in mind and body, that I live in a place with beautiful trails to run on and a big pool to swim in, that I have the guts to put myself in the pool with the faster people.
4. I need a running partner to fuel some fast workouts and push my comfort zones.